How not to get involved in every verbal street fight…

Sometimes we’re forced by others to say whether we’re for or against something, someone or a certain cause or belief. Atheists who are on a crusade to spread their beliefs (of not believing in God), or religious fundamentalists who believe only their ‘superior’ views on God are correct, will often try to force you to answer right or wrong, yay or nay, when they confront you with their ‘correct’ perspectives. Most individuals, including myself, fall for their tricks. Their threats and challenges (of you going go hell, or being the joke of the week because of what you believe) are often so convincing that you give in and try to answer their aggressive questions. Afterwards you always want to kick yourself for being so naive, because they always end up as the victors who have the last say.

Far too many times I got involved in debates or discussions that left me with toxic feelings and thoughts afterwards. Perhaps it’s because I have a permanent sticker on my forehead that reads: ‘Sucker for punishment.’ Or perhaps it’s because of my eagerness not to let a good debate slip through my fingers. In any case, it’s not wise to get involved in verbal discussions with bullies, especially those religious or non-religious bullies who see you as their next human target to beat up through verbal abuses and one-sided rational arguments.

The solution — well, it’s as simple as staying away from bullies. Avoid them as far as possible. They’re everywhere — on the Internet, at the office, in church… Never get involved in their game. They only play according to their own rules and game plan. They have no plans to listen to you, or to be open to suggestions, ideas or any other viewpoints. Once you allow them to pose their questions and get into their ‘fighting stance,’ they’ll dictate the conversation. You’ll only end up as the accused who must always answer to them.

Secondly, choose your battles well. You can’t sidestep all conflicts. Sometimes you have to face people that disagree with you. But choose wisely how, where and when to respond. Remember that you don’t have to play on the same field as those who oppose, challenge or threaten you verbally. Choose some good questions of your own. Yes, and also learn from Proverbs 26:4-5 that sometimes silence is a far better answer than words. To answer a fool could change you into a fool as well.

Thirdly, walk away from any discussion that turns into a verbal skirmish. You don’t have to win all debates. It’s a sign of immaturity. Only school kids want to win all fights at all costs. Admit you’re too weak to play on the verbal battlegrounds of your superior competition and get away from there.

Lastly, always choose to bless and uplift others through your words and interactions. Sidestep toxic words. Choose words that create oxygen and safe spaces for others.

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